bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
