do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
