guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
