Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I understand Curling. That high.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
