Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
