I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
