Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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