I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
