Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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