What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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