the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
