If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
