I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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