Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
