How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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