I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
