thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
