He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
