tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
