i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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