....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
