My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
