Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
