Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
