K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
