I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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