i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
