How's work?
Spinning.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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