I feel great
I just peed on a car
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
