low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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