Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
