my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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