idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
