it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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