Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
