i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
