I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
