On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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