My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
