people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
