So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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