I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
