He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
