How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
