i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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