Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Shame is for Republicans.
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