You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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