Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
