She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
