Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
