I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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