she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
